King of Cybersecurity
DOOM CLOCK 23:58
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His Eternal Uptime The King of Cybersecurity

I have watched a thousand kingdoms fall to a single reused password. I have seen empires burn for want of a tested backup. Sit, subject. The apocalypse is scheduled, and attendance is mandatory.

The kingdom is fictional. The threats are not.

October is Cybersecurity Awareness Month. The court is observing it enthusiastically and incorrectly. Free posters, memes and ideas for whoever has been handed October.

The King of Cybersecurity enthroned with his key sceptre, flanked by the Court Fool and two scribes with scrolls, while the Pretender shows as a face in the dark circuitry behind the throne
The court in session. The Fool objects. The learned transcribe the objection. The Pretender attends through the wiring, uninvited, as is its custom, and will be dealt with the moment anyone can establish which cable it is.

Latest from the throne

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The castle gate during the Month of Difficulty: a black horse penned behind an oak barrier in the archway, a queue of courtiers waiting on the steps, a herald reading from an enormous scroll, the Squire having a password inked onto his forearm, and the Chatelaine leaving by a side door

Do I Really Need Two-Factor Authentication? The Month of Difficulty

Asked to make life difficult for criminals, the court made life difficult for the court. The gate password now takes nine minutes to say aloud, nobody has logged in since March, and the council has entered this in the record as an early triumph.

Chronicle 15 · September 2026 Three heralds in tabards arguing over two shields painted with slightly different red boars

Why Do Hackers Have Such Strange Names?

A kingdom cannot muster against 'someone', so the College of Heralds was told to name the enemy. It has produced three names for one foe, or one name for three, and the dispute is now in its fourth year.

Chronicle 14 · September 2026 The phishing simulation walks the scriptorium disguised as a potted bush while the court fails to notice and two of the learned score vigilance with clipboards

Do Phishing Simulations Work? The Court Ran One

The court resolved to test its own vigilance with a phishing simulation. The task fell to the Page, who did not want it, and whose instruction from the throne was to spare no subtlety. He took this literally.

Chronicle 13 · August 2026

The Royal Armoury

Take the posters →
Free phishing awareness poster: a medieval wanted notice charging the phishing email with urgency, false links and demanding passwords and gift cards

Free awareness posters, issued not sold

Wanted notices and proclamations for the noticeboard, the break room, the classroom wall and the security awareness programme. Print them, pin them, send them. Free to use unaltered; the credit is already on the poster. Running something for Cybersecurity Awareness Month? The crown has gathered everything usable in one place.

Enter the Armoury

The Royal Dispatch

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The Royal Dispatch

New chronicles, Royal Armoury releases and occasional word from a kingdom that takes cybersecurity seriously, even when the King does not.

Carried by pigeon. Sir Reginald has been told he is not needed. Unsubscribe whenever you wish; the court will be wounded, and will recover. What we do with your address.

Cybersecurity memes

All the memes →
Firewall meme: a small door propped open with a rock in a castle wall, ivy grown thickly over both. Caption: The temporary firewall rule has been temporary since 2019. Password meme: a black horse in a gold bridle looking over a paddock rail with total indifference. Caption: Your password meets the policy. Your password is Summer2026! AI security meme: an armoured golem holding an enormous ring of keys in a sunlit hall, courtiers watching. Caption: We gave the AI agent full access for one afternoon. It is day forty.

The rest of the realm

The Ten Decrees

Unamended since the third epoch, and the only matter on which both crowns agree. The seventh concerns the machine oracle, which cannot count the letters in "strawberry".

The Court

Every courtier is a mode of failure except three, and one of those is a horse. The Chancellor has not yet been available for his portrait.

The King

Ancient, weary, throne made of servers. Has never clicked a link, a fact he raises more often than the court would like.

The Pretender

The rival claimant, which insists it commands nothing. The assurance came from it. The household was found recruitable without anyone asking by whom.
The royal arms of the King of Cybersecurity: a crown of server towers above a keyhole shield, flanked by two USB sticks as ceremonial sceptres, set in engraved circuitry
The royal arms. A crown of servers, the keyhole shield, and two USB sceptres of certified provenance, neither of which was found in a car park, whatever the Squire claims. To be struck upon garments and drinking vessels the moment the treasury approves the ink. The treasury is considering. The treasury has been considering since the spring.