https://kingofcybersecurity.com/ Dispatches from the end of the internet, as dictated to the trembling scribes. Satirical scripture from a fictional monarch; the threats, regrettably, are real. en-gb https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-do-i-get-into-cybersecurity/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-do-i-get-into-cybersecurity/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 19:00:00 GMT A young subject asked the court how one gets into cybersecurity. The court prepared a ceremony. The Apprentice declined it, opened her book, and revealed the kingdom for what it is: a curriculum that has no idea it is teaching. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-pass-a-security-audit/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-pass-a-security-audit/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 18:00:00 GMT The auditors came with clipboards. The court performed ceremonies at them. Every control they tested traced back to the same three words, and the kingdom's only real vulnerability turned out to be a person. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-stay-safe-online/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-stay-safe-online/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 17:00:00 GMT The court publishes its official online safety guidance. It has been tested on the Squire. It includes seventeen left boots, a snail, and the loss of an entire Tuesday. The royal lawyers insisted. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-royal-horse-judges-passwords/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-royal-horse-judges-passwords/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 16:00:00 GMT The court has replaced the password strength meter with a horse named Staple. Verdicts are delivered by neigh. He has rejected the Chancellor, the Squire, and the King. He is never wrong. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-king-bans-the-number-zero/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-king-bans-the-number-zero/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 15:00:00 GMT Briefed on the menace of zero-day attacks, the King identifies the culprit with impeccable logic: the number zero. It has been escorted to the border. Cybersecurity is solved. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-idiot-admin/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-idiot-admin/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 14:00:00 GMT The court gathers to honour its most dangerous subject: the admin whose password is on a sticky note, whose backups died in 2022, and whose firewall rule from 2019 is still 'temporary'. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/my-smart-fridge-is-plotting-against-me/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/my-smart-fridge-is-plotting-against-me/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 13:00:00 GMT A midnight inquiry into the household: the fridge and its yoghurt sponsor, the doorbell's criminal past, the vacuum drawing maps for persons unknown, and the telly, which was asked what it was watching and answered. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-trial-of-a-phishing-email/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-trial-of-a-phishing-email/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 12:00:00 GMT The accused claims to be your bank, a parcel courier and a prince simultaneously. Defended by the spam filter that missed it, judged by eleven receipts and a newsletter. Sentence carried out at dawn. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/should-i-let-an-ai-agent-use-my-computer/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/should-i-let-an-ai-agent-use-my-computer/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 11:00:00 GMT The court gave a golem the signet ring for one afternoon. It bought a timeshare in a fictional castle, subscribed the King to a mystery language, and bowed to a note under the door. An inquiry followed. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-survive-a-ransomware-attack/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-survive-a-ransomware-attack/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 10:00:00 GMT Ransomware is a tax on the unprepared, and the Duke paid it in full. The court's own defences: a decoy treasury of geese, the Feast of the Restore, and encrypting everything first out of spite. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/what-happens-if-the-internet-goes-down/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/what-happens-if-the-internet-goes-down/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 09:00:00 GMT The Silence came on a Tuesday. This is the true record: the Duke refreshing the horizon, the Daily Paddock arriving by pigeon in strips, the kelp misunderstanding, and Staple's column, which is always 'no'. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/will-ai-take-over-the-world/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/will-ai-take-over-the-world/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 00:00:00 GMT The robots are not coming for your throne. The court has nonetheless catered a welcome banquet since 2019, interviewed several machine minds for the position of overlord, and lost a treasury ledger to a golem with beautiful manners.