https://kingofcybersecurity.com/ Dispatches from the end of the internet, as dictated to the trembling scribes. Satirical scripture from a fictional monarch; the threats, regrettably, are real. en-gb https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/should-we-slow-down-ai/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/should-we-slow-down-ai/ Sat, 26 Sep 2026 09:00:00 GMT The council sat three days on the means of control, and the Pretender took the minutes. There is now a red lever in the long hall. Nobody can say what it is attached to, the kitchens went out for two days when it was pulled, and it is inspected quarterly by the thing it stops. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/do-i-really-need-two-factor-authentication/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/do-i-really-need-two-factor-authentication/ Thu, 10 Sep 2026 09:00:00 GMT Asked to make life difficult for criminals, the court made life difficult for the court. The gate password now takes nine minutes to say aloud, nobody has logged in since March, and the council has entered this in the record as an early triumph. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/why-do-hackers-have-strange-names/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/why-do-hackers-have-strange-names/ Tue, 01 Sep 2026 10:00:00 GMT A kingdom cannot muster against 'someone', so the College of Heralds was told to name the enemy. It has produced three names for one foe, or one name for three, and the dispute is now in its fourth year. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/do-phishing-simulations-work/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/do-phishing-simulations-work/ Mon, 31 Aug 2026 12:00:00 GMT The court resolved to test its own vigilance with a phishing simulation. The task fell to the Page, who did not want it, and whose instruction from the throne was to spare no subtlety. He took this literally. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-do-i-get-into-cybersecurity/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-do-i-get-into-cybersecurity/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 19:00:00 GMT A young subject wrote to the court asking how one gets into cybersecurity. The court, delighted, began preparing a ceremony. The Apprentice declined it on the young subject's behalf, took out her book, and said she would handle this one. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-pass-a-security-audit/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-pass-a-security-audit/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 18:00:00 GMT The auditors arrived at dawn with clipboards and the expressions of men who have seen things filed incorrectly. The court had prepared for weeks and rehearsed its ceremonies. The court need not have bothered, and this is the record of why. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-stay-safe-online/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-stay-safe-online/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 17:00:00 GMT The court publishes its official online safety guidance: seven royal measures, in order of decreasing sanity. The royal lawyers insisted on the word 'guidance'. It has been tested extensively on the Squire, who survived. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-royal-horse-judges-passwords/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-royal-horse-judges-passwords/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 16:00:00 GMT The court dismissed its password strength meter in the spring, after it awarded five green bars to 'Dragon2019!'. It has been replaced by a horse named Staple. Verdicts are delivered by neigh. His record remains perfect. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-king-bans-the-number-zero/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-king-bans-the-number-zero/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 15:00:00 GMT Briefed at dawn on the menace of zero-day attacks, the King identifies the culprit with impeccable logic: the number zero. It has been escorted to the border. Implementation has produced what the court characterises as minor turbulence. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-idiot-admin/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-idiot-admin/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 14:00:00 GMT The court gathers to honour its most dangerous subject: the man who holds every privilege in the kingdom and has read no documentation. Every award is real. Every award is a warning. He is, the King insists, beloved. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/my-smart-fridge-is-plotting-against-me/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/my-smart-fridge-is-plotting-against-me/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 13:00:00 GMT The King convenes an inquiry at midnight, when the household believes he sleeps. Present: one fridge, one doorbell, one kettle, one television, one vacuum of the robotic persuasion, and forty other devices he does not remember buying. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-trial-of-a-phishing-email/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/the-trial-of-a-phishing-email/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 12:00:00 GMT One phishing email stands accused of impersonation, extortion and crimes against punctuation. It is defended, as is customary, by the spam filter that failed to catch it, and judged by a jury of eleven receipts and a newsletter. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/should-i-let-an-ai-agent-use-my-computer/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/should-i-let-an-ai-agent-use-my-computer/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 11:00:00 GMT An AI agent is a chatbot given hands, which is genuinely useful and therefore the problem. Against the advice of everyone, including the horse, the King lent a golem his signet ring for a single afternoon. The minutes survive. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-survive-a-ransomware-attack/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/how-to-survive-a-ransomware-attack/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 10:00:00 GMT Ransomware is a tax on the unprepared, and the Duke of a Thousand Tabs paid it in full, having left his gate unpatched for eleven months. The court examines his siege, and then its own defences, which are considerably worse. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/what-happens-if-the-internet-goes-down/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/what-happens-if-the-internet-goes-down/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 09:00:00 GMT The internet stopped on a Tuesday, kingdom-wide, for one entire day. This is the true record of how civilisation held: the tills fell silent, the young princes were issued a paper map, and the royal loft went to combat readiness. https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/will-ai-take-over-the-world/ https://kingofcybersecurity.com/chronicles/will-ai-take-over-the-world/ Sun, 30 Aug 2026 00:00:00 GMT The robots are not coming for your throne. The welcome banquet for our machine overlords has nonetheless stood catered since 2019, the jelly renewed quarterly, and the court has interviewed several candidates for the position. None was hired.